What i dont get...& the V-card

What i don't get...& the V-card
Today was a boring day but luckily i have lots of stuff to rant about.

What i don't get: Bored, thought I'd text Rob*. What turned from reminiscing to a mess: Should've been expected on my part. I love you; Three words that of all people i cant have heard by this one semi-significant boy. How can you love a girl that you haven't texted or called for months, or that you haven't realized shes deleted you off her facebook.Again. When SHE texts you, you don't seem invested in the conversation. I don't get it. So i had to tell him. Truth is that i really care about him, but i don't love him. We've never been in a relationship. And even as a friend things always drifted to talks about "Us". I used to say i loved Rob* as a friend but i can't even say that now. He Loves me but he doesn't care about me. A big fight then i have to sit and here his sexual conquest in class. I don't forget that kinda stuff.Flipping out because i don't wanna hug u, All the drama. I can get past. The one thing holding me back from him. It doesn't matter, hes gonna keep player playing.. I don't get it one bit.

V-card: Whether religious or not, an act of abstinence or celibacy is there. Mine happens to be religious; in 5th grade "i found Jesus". Religious for a while but not so much any more. Back then i used god as my crutch for survival.Now he's there for support, not as means to live. I made my Purity pledge and I've stuck with it. It's not something I'm willing to give up. Even if i didn't believe in god i don't think I'd want to have pre-martial sex. Its hard, it always hurt me.Guys, they don't get it. Most say they do but down the line, i get cut again. A lot say if it was just sex, not oral they could do that. But apparently no intimacy means no go. I'm still waiting for the guy that doesn't assume a big breasted women means easy. I'm still waiting for the day that my abstinence doesn't shame me....

(Sorry for the long post, i just gotta vent)

Today's Outfit: Pajamas

Today's grievance's: Men.

Too much shaking my head today.Maybe its all the disgrace

*Name has been changed :)

Butterfly kisses

Butterfly kisses
It takes something like getting you're eye brows done to really set things straight.
I've had so much on my mind. Men on my mind. The other night i was looking back at old myspace messages [from when i lived in Florida]. Just going over it made me see how much I've grown up. I always said back then how i wasn't scared of being some one and i really believed that. But looking back, i was. And i let alot of great guys that i really cared about go. Especially Paul*. The most perfect guy for me,even wanted to go out with me but no because he was "too nice". WTF??? i was an idiot. I think i realize that when i started to fall for him, the same time i found out i was moving. That last day, came him just to say goodbye to me and yes i know it sounds cliche and mushy and i hate it but kinda fit perfectly into each others arms. There i said it. Point is, i don't wanna mess things up like i usually do.

Today's grievance's: Mosquito's.

Today's outfit: In the picture, paired with those cowboy boots.Never wore boots with a dress [minus leggings] before, and i liked it :]

God if you're reading, just let me know if I'm doing alright.